Dropping the mask of motherhood

Most people who knew me during early motherhood – even my nearest and dearest – saw this version of me: smiley, nails done, baby in a cute outfit, loving mum life.

And this is what they heard when all the standard new mum questions came:

”How is breastfeeding going?” “Oh yeah, she’s feeding really well now.” When in reality, I’d be in tears every feed praying this would be the last time we struggled.

“Is she sleeping through the night yet?” “Pretty much, only the odd wake up.” When my days religiously started at 4.30am and I was SOO tired.

“Isn’t being a mummy the best thing?” “Oh it’s wonderful, I’m so lucky.” When I’d be thinking, am I missing something, this can’t really be it?!

So, why do we put up this Mask of Motherhood? What stops us from showing our true experience?

Fear.

Fear of being judged by others and ourselves. Fear of not living up to the perfect mother ideal that we’re led to believe is attainable and realistic (spoiler alert: it's not!).

If we struggle with any of the perfect mother rules we take it on as our own failing. So, we wear our mask. We grin and say what we think we should say. And because we all do it, the cycle is endless.

Dropping the mask takes courage and vulnerability but it’s only by doing so that we can reclaim a sense of power and agency as mothers and start to change the false narrative.

So, if anyone were to ask me those questions now, this is what I'd say:

“Breastfeeding was a real struggle, we just didn’t take naturally to it and it almost broke me. I wish I'd showed myself more compassion and put on less pressure. Honestly, I wish I switched to a bottle sooner.”

“Sleeping through the night, wasn’t even on our radar until long after her 1st birthday. She just wasn’t ready and I felt so drained by the 4.30am starts then trying to be competent at work. I wish I had the courage to say something at work.”

“Even now, 3+ years in every day is a learning curve. There are moments when I feel like I could burst with pure love, joy and gratitude, but there are a lot of tough moments too and sometimes I feel like I’m not very good at it.”

It may not be what they want to hear but it’s my truth.

Are you ready to drop your mask?