The courage to redefine motherhood

We all enter motherhood with a set of beliefs, expectations, and assumptions of what it means to be a good mother.  For many, their ideal has been shaped by what they have seen from their own mothers and elders, from wider society, and how motherhood is portrayed in the media.

It is no secret that the historical narrative around motherhood has self-sacrifice at its core.  For centuries good mothers have been portrayed as selfless, nurturing women who are expected to forgo their own needs, desires, and dreams for the sake of their families.

More and more women are recognising that these expectations have been misguided and that they no longer serve them as modern-day mothers.  But it’s also easy to fall into the Supermum trap.  The unrealistic battle to ‘have it all’.  To give 100% to every facet of their lives.

Hello, overwhelm, mum guilt, self-doubt and burn out.

But what if I told you I believe that it doesn’t have to be this way?  That you can be an amazing mum without fully surrendering your sense of identity, giving up your ambition or sacrificing your wellbeing.

It is time to rewrite the narrative around what it means to be a good mother.

Time to have the courage to take ownership of what motherhood means for women as individuals.

Time to unlearn the perfect mother myths that have been pushed on women by society.

Time for less self-sacrifice and more self-awareness.

Time for change.

But how do we write our own version of motherhood?

By creating a new belief system that is based on our own personal values and the legacy we want to leave behind as mothers for our own family.

Here are some steps to help you get started. I encourage you to make some time to sit and reflect on these questions, or you could try using them as journaling prompts.

1.      Reflect on your current beliefs and expectations around motherhood.  

What have you been taught?  Where have these beliefs come from?  Who have you observed doing things in this way?  When did you set these expectations, before becoming a mother or after?

2.      What comes up when you think about these beliefs and expectations?

What feels right about what you have learned?  What feels in line with your own personal values?  What doesn’t feel comfortable?  What bothers you about this version of motherhood?  How many are intentional vs. unconscious beliefs?  What feels like you ‘should’ be doing it this way?

3.      Write your own version of motherhood aligned with who YOU are.

What would you like to change?  What feels more inspiring?  How would you like your children to remember you?  What feels more realistic? What do you need to fuel your sense of identity, wellbeing and ambition?

Having the confidence to rewrite the narrative in a way that is more aligned to who you are, and in a way that may be different from what you have been taught will feel daunting at first.  It takes grit – courage, resilience, boundaries, and it takes grace – patience, kindness, and self-compassion.

But it is liberating.  Empowering.  Rewarding.

And that is because it is YOUR version of motherhood.